So poor woor Cheryl has flown out to see Camp Bastion? About time! She could sure do with a decent stylist. Oh, you mean the Helmand hellhole our brave boys are garrisoned in? Well, forces sweetheart worked for Vera Lynn, and it might be a step towards reclaiming her title as the nation’s sweetheart (how quickly we forget). There’s speculation about Chezza returning as a ‘shock’ replacement for Tulisa for the X-Factor finals. How come? Somebody tell Simon Cowell the new panel works just fine. Why not sign Cheryl up alongside Camden comedian Kathy Burka (pictured) for his next cash cow, Afghanistan’s Got Taliban? ‘Eeh Farrukh, pet, Yah really nay-yulled that Osama tirade.’
