Princess Beatrice's Hat

As pictures were beamed from the abbey, incredulous viewers gasped in horror at the prospect of The Thing that had attached itself to Panda-eyed innocent  Bea’s bonce like something out of a low-rent sci-fi B-movie. Now the preposterous pretzel/ crab/ loo seat/ cat flap/ model of someone's fallopian tubes  - which, admittedly, I've grown rather fond of over the past few weeks - is being sold on eBay in aid of childrens charities. Duncan Bannatyne - who'd look pretty as a picture in it - has seen his £5k opening bid bettered: we’re currently close to £100K for the co-star of Will and Kate's nuptials. More power to Bea's elbow for turning the Treacey tragedy into a personal triumph: flogging it in aid of a good cause while making sure the entire world now knows which (fun) young (altruistic) royal she is. You'd pay Max Clifford a small fortune to raise your profile so adroitly.  Mummy, who has never quite rivalled her daughter's nose for a smart publicity move, might learn a thing or two from her daughter's canny reversal of fortune. Who will win the auction? Having failed to sign up that other wedding day talking point - Pippa’s perky posterior - to replace one of his US TV show  panellists who often appears to talk out of hers, could a mystery buyer yet nick the heinous headpiece? Wouldn’t mental millinery make more sense than seemingly mad-as-a-hatter Ms Abdul, Simon?