Jeremy Kyle

Jezza, the only reason for trackie-bottomed trailer trash to crawl out of their scratchers before 9.30 of a morning - is off to crack America. Make that Crack America,  given the druggy, deadbeat across-the-Pond-life that will doubtless line up in droves for a chance to wash its funky linen (polyester?) on ‘national TV’, a phenomenon described by one British judge as a ‘morbid and depressing display of dysfunctional people.’ For Brits, though, making it on US telly is a lottery: how come bland blonde Cat Deeley succeeds while razor sharp Vicky Beckham is reportedly abandoning all hope after scathing reviews? While Britain’s DNA test laboratories go bust in his absence, I predict Stateside glory for the people’s philanthropist - for like the great man says, ‘This show isn’t about me.’ Of course not, matey! But with Springer a hard act to follow, will it be a case of Kyles to New Castle, Pennsylvania? With luck, JK will not be needing the return portion of his airline ticket to LA