Mariah Carey

Why does Mariah bother? Whenever she comes to Britain, cynical hacks trump up tales of outrageous demands, such as a hundred fluffy kittens wherever she goes (sounds perfectly reasonable); miming on X-Factor (the very idea!); needing someone to walk backwards in front of her in case she stumbles (do they know how much it costs to reheel a pair of Louboutins?) and two flunkies charged with lowering her onto Lorraine Kelly’s deeply ordinary looking sofa; the point being, if Mariah really were a diva - and she says she’s not - she’d have stipulated a rare butterfly and diamond-encrusted Ptolemaic Dynasty Pharaoh’s throne covered in antique Shantung silk personally spun for Marco Polo. The government is missing a trick here. Mariah is reckoned to have spent over $1 million dollars in just a few hours in London. Offer her Hampton Court Palace as free digs, keep Harrods open 24/7 for her exclusive use and convince her Newcastle Brown is the new Angel champagne. National debt sorted!